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Buy This Entrepreneur’s Disruptive Book Or He’ll Kill My Family

Buy This Entrepreneur’s Disruptive Book Or He’ll Kill My Family

LOCATION REDACTED—I was forced into a conversation with world-renowned entrepreneur, venture capitalist, and multi-billionaire Larry Gallotrocelopopolous to discuss his highly anticipated motivational memoir entitled Winning The …

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Zoom Rolls Out Virtual Foregrounds for Unphotogenic Users

Zoom Rolls Out Virtual Foregrounds for Unphotogenic Users

SAN JOSE, CA—Shares in video conferencing powerhouse Zoom (NASDAQ: ZM) soared today after a software update introduced new features for optimizing users’ aesthetic experience. Zoom …

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Virgin Hyperloop Car Obliterates Mountain Lion Caught In Tube

Virgin Hyperloop Car Obliterates Mountain Lion Caught In Tube

LAS VEGAS, NV—A leaked video surfaced this week of a Virgin Hyperloop car vaporizing a Nevada mountain lion during a record-breaking speed test. For months, …

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FBI Hires Corporate Marketing Veteran To Email Missing Persons In Hopes Of Finding Them Well

FBI Hires Corporate Marketing Veteran To Email Missing Persons In Hopes Of Finding Them Well

In an internal memo shared exclusively with Business Outsider, FBI director Thomas Henderson revealed that the FBI will be adopting email as a primary tactic …

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Tony Robbins Holds Motivational Seminar Within His Own Cavernous Jaw

Tony Robbins Holds Motivational Seminar Within His Own Cavernous Jaw

TONY ROBBIN’S MOUTH, CA—Thousands piled into the gaping maw of entrepreneur and motivational speaker Tony Robbins Friday to attend the “Taste the Power Within” weekend …

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ISIS Rewards True Believers With Patreon Prizes

ISIS Rewards True Believers With Patreon Prizes

RAQQA, SYRIA—ISIS leader Amir Muhammad Sa’id Abdal-Rahman al-Mawla announced Friday that the terror organization would set up a Patreon for its most dedicated fans. The …

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Kirkland Unveils All-inclusive Thanksgiving Meal Including Turkey, Stuffing, Better Family

Kirkland Unveils All-inclusive Thanksgiving Meal Including Turkey, Stuffing, Better Family

BRENTWOOD, TN—Costco (NASDAQ: COST) today announced a new Thanksgiving themed package. It will include everything that’s on the table at a functioning American Thanksgiving dinner, …

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This Black Friday Best Buy Offers 75% Off Ventilators

This Black Friday Best Buy Offers 75% Off Ventilators

LOS ANGELES, CA—In celebration of their Black Friday sales event, electronics superstore Best Buy (NYSE: BBY) announced it will be offering up to 75% off …

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Butterball And Pfizer Partner To Bring Consumers COVID-Vaccinated Turkeys

Butterball And Pfizer Partner To Bring Consumers COVID-Vaccinated Turkeys

GARNER, N.C.—Following the announcement of the COVID-19 vaccine, Butterball is racing to gain FDA approval for a COVID-vaccinated turkey. The food-products conglomerate has partnered with …

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Desperate To Re-engage Trump Base, Fox News Acquires Playboy

Desperate To Re-engage Trump Base, Fox News Acquires Playboy

Alarmed that longtime viewers are leaving over accusations of becoming fake news, Fox News (NASDAQ: FOX) acquired Playboy magazine in a bold bet to save …

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