Companies Open To Interviewing Applicants With Resumé Gaps As Long As Two Weeks

Due to today’s tight labor market, companies are beginning to be more flexible about interviewing candidates with gaps in their resumés- even as long as two weeks long in some cases. “I took a huge break in my career after my first job and I was seriously worried about how it would impact my employment prospects,” said 26-year-old marketing and data analytics professional Amita Patel. … Continue reading Companies Open To Interviewing Applicants With Resumé Gaps As Long As Two Weeks

Apple Increases Productivity By 20% After Developing Foldable Engineers

CUPERTINO, CA— Apple has announced the completion of a previously top-secret R&D project focused on creating totally foldable software engineers. “We’re so excited to announce that we have developed a strategy to fold our engineers and store them in on-campus warehouses without damaging them. This enables our employees to avoid the long commutes to and from work by simply folding themselves up and sleeping inside … Continue reading Apple Increases Productivity By 20% After Developing Foldable Engineers

In Leaked Audio, Mark Zuckerberg’s CPU Plays Off Question About Brain-Computer Interface Research

MENLO PARK, CA- In a recent interview with Business Outsider, Facebook chief executive Mark Zuckerberg’s central processing unit played off a pointed question about the company’s research in brain-computer interfaces. Many academics and politicians have criticized the company for researching and potentially commercializing the human brain, but Facebook has declined to discuss or provide any details on the nature of the research. “We continue to … Continue reading In Leaked Audio, Mark Zuckerberg’s CPU Plays Off Question About Brain-Computer Interface Research

A New Type Of Microdosing: Palo Alto Kindergarten Teacher Praised For Innovative Teaching Method

Palo Alto, CA — This year, a new class of incoming kindergarten students at a Palo Alto School was gifted with a new kind of curriculum. Lisa Jenkins, 25, started her first year of teaching right with a psychedelic lesson plan, literally, and teachers throughout the San Francisco Bay Area are praising her for her innovative techniques. This new method of microdosing is coined by … Continue reading A New Type Of Microdosing: Palo Alto Kindergarten Teacher Praised For Innovative Teaching Method

Netflix Maintains Illusion Of Entertainment Through Mass Hypnosis

As the entertainment industry completes its pivot to a streaming model, Netflix has kept its competitive edge by lulling users into a false sense of entertainment using cutting-edge psychological manipulation. “It’s a very interesting phenomenon they’ve discovered,” said UCLA professor of psychology, Kim Starret. “In fact, if you’ve ever had the feeling that there’s nothing to watch on Netflix, you’re actually completely correct. In reality, … Continue reading Netflix Maintains Illusion Of Entertainment Through Mass Hypnosis

Trump Burns Through Six Plastic Straws At Climate Change Summit

NEW YORK, NEW YORK— At a recent UN Climate Change summit, in which activists like Greta Thunberg made headlines for their commitment to saving the planet, President Donald Trump was spotted at a luncheon burning through six plastic straws while drinking a single can of Diet Coke. Eye-witnesses reported that the president would apparently grow dissatisfied with the functionality of his straw after just a … Continue reading Trump Burns Through Six Plastic Straws At Climate Change Summit

Hackathon Winner Dragged Away By NSA Agents, Laptop Confiscated

SAN JOSE, CA— After an intense weekend of coding, a 26-year-old software developer participating in an annual Hackathon event was knocked unconscious by agents from the National Security Agency and quickly dragged into an unmarked van idling outside of the conference. His laptop, which was decorated with worn-out stickers of his favorite companies and brands, was placed into a plastic bag by another agent wearing … Continue reading Hackathon Winner Dragged Away By NSA Agents, Laptop Confiscated

Business Outsider Ranked The Top Five Universities Worldwide

There are countless lists of university rankings produced by publications like Forbes, The Wall Street Journal, and The New York Times that use a number of complicated metrics and weighting mechanisms to assign scores to the top colleges. These methods are cumbersome and complex, and often result in seemingly random conclusions about the relative status of top-tier universities such as Harvard, Stanford, and California State … Continue reading Business Outsider Ranked The Top Five Universities Worldwide

Man Receives Third Rejection From Job He Applied For Two Years Prior

SEATTLE, WA— Excited to see an email from Facebook, an unemployed Seattle-based software engineer opened the “updates” tab on his email client to find a message titled: “Re: Updated On Your Application For Software Engineer II at Facebook”. Recalling that this was a role he had already been rejected for twice, his mind started to race about the possibility of the team at Facebook reconsidering … Continue reading Man Receives Third Rejection From Job He Applied For Two Years Prior

Ray Dalio’s Advice For New Grads: “Remember To Use The Harvard Alumni Network”

WESTPORT, CT— In his new book Principles for Life and Work, hedge fund billionaire Ray Dalio offers a few pieces of salient advice to recent graduates entering the workforce. Perhaps one of the most heavily emphasized statements in the best-selling book was the following: “There are so many new Harvard graduates that underuse or totally ignore the Harvard alumni network,” said Dalio candidly in chapter … Continue reading Ray Dalio’s Advice For New Grads: “Remember To Use The Harvard Alumni Network”