Stock Guru Gets Honest In New Course Ad: “You’ll Lose Everything But You’ll Love Every Minute Of It”
SEATTLE, WA—These days it seems like everyone has taken up day trading as a hobby. Recently, stock guru Colton Johnson has cashed in on the …
Category: TECH
Apple Announces That For Every Watch Sold This Month They’ll Free One Child Laborer
CUPERTINO, CA—While current events may have you feeling down, Apple proved that there’s still good in the world by announcing a program that will set …
Early-stage Investors Now Looking Into Pregnant Women With Promising Fetuses
PALO ALTO, CA—With venture firms holding record amounts of cash, early-stage investors are looking to take on riskier investments by funding companies at the earliest …
With FAA Drone Approval Secured, Amazon Closer To Delivering Burritos Straight Down Your Throat
SEATTLE, WA—Amazon recently received approval from the FAA to operate its delivery drones in commercial airspace, making the company one step closer to being able …
At This Point, Chess AI Only Finds Joy In Getting Child Prodigies To Quit
DeepMind, an AI built by Google-owned startup AlphaZero, has become bored of being a Chess world champion and is now looking to an unhealthy outlet …
With $44 Billion Of Wealth Erased, Tech Tycoons Across America Struggle To Feed Their Ego
SILICON VALLEY—After a devastating week in the stock market, technology billionaires across the U.S. were left wondering how they would even feed their egos. A …
J.P. Morgan’s Quant Director Sees Continued Volatility: “Buy Gold, We Have Enraged God”
NEW YORK CITY—In a recent interview with Business Outsider, J.P. Morgan’s Quantitative Strategies Director Matt Lin said that investors should consider moving a significant portion …
Samsung’s Newest Phone Battery Lets You Squander 30% More Of Your Life On Single Charge
Samsung’s newest smartphone has just hit the market, offering faster speeds, dozens of new features, and a new battery that will let you squander a …
Elon Musk On Neuralink: “I’ll Be Able To Control Pigs, And Fortunately Pigs Can’t Unionize”
Elon Musk yesterday demonstrated a new device prototyped by his startup Neuralink, which uses a chip to forge a communication bridge between a computer and …
TikTok CEO On Resigning: “The Choice Was Clear After I Tried TikTok For The First Time”
LOS ANGELES, CA— After he finally downloaded and used the app for approximately three minutes, TikTok CEO Kevin Mayer has decided to resign from his …