ISIS Rewards True Believers With Patreon Prizes
RAQQA, SYRIA—ISIS leader Amir Muhammad Sa’id Abdal-Rahman al-Mawla announced Friday that the terror organization would set up a Patreon for its most dedicated fans. The …
Category: TECH
This Black Friday Best Buy Offers 75% Off Ventilators
LOS ANGELES, CA—In celebration of their Black Friday sales event, electronics superstore Best Buy (NYSE: BBY) announced it will be offering up to 75% off …
Butterball And Pfizer Partner To Bring Consumers COVID-Vaccinated Turkeys
GARNER, N.C.—Following the announcement of the COVID-19 vaccine, Butterball is racing to gain FDA approval for a COVID-vaccinated turkey. The food-products conglomerate has partnered with …
Vimeo Restructures Business Model Around Temporary Youtube Outages
New York, NY—Immediately following Youtube’s short shutdown Wednesday, Vimeo announced a new business model which would rely exclusively on traffic spikes from temporary Youtube outages. …
Spotify Commits To Content Moderation Policies That Maximize Profits
NEW YORK CITY—Shortly after podcast celebrity Joe Rogan hosted controversial public figure Alex Jones on his show, there was a resurgence of protests from Spotify …
Awesome Jetpack Startup Shuttered After Dumb Snitch Sues Over Torn Off Leg
Absolutely badass startup Gravity Industries, known for their wicked sick jetpack, was forced to shut their doors last Friday after some nerd named Thomas sued …
North Korean ICBM Revealed to Be Giant, Hyper-Realistic Cake
Pyongyang, North Korea—Last week, North Korea displayed what at first appeared to be its most powerful intercontinental ballistic missile yet, but was later revealed to …
Dead Amazon Worker Found Among Surplus Halloween Supplies
CHATSWORTH, CA—Amy Haversheim, self-described professional dumpster diver and vegan, was searching through dumpsters behind Amazon when she discovered a skeleton and two mangled bodies amongst …
ISS Crew Member Arrested After Attempting To Use False Identity To Vote A Second Time Over The Phone
LOW EARTH ORBIT—The Space Force has made its first arrest. American astronaut Kimberly Guilfoyle was arrested early yesterday after attempting to vote twice in the …
Animal Crossing Enhances Realism With New Euthanization Feature
KYOTO, JAPAN—Nintendo today announced that the upcoming Animal Crossing: New Horizons update will introduce a permadeath feature to mimic the devastating loss that comes with …