Should You Tip Your Bird Scooter?
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Category: TECH
Elizabeth Holmes May Use Psychopathic Narcissist Defense In Theranos Case: “Just Look Into Her Eyes”
PALO ALTO, CA—In one of the most catastrophic Silicon Valley startup debacles in recent memory, Theranos’ founder and ex-CEO Elizabeth Holmes is being criminally charged …
Jack Ma Sues Funko Pop Figurines for Likeness of His Head
HANGZHOU, CHINA—Jack Ma, CEO of Alibaba, is suing Funko Pop figurines claiming that all the figurines’ head shapes bare an uncanny resemblance to his own. …
iPhone 12 Camera Will Make You Look 50% More Fuckable
At Apple’s highly anticipated iPhone launch event, Tim Cook announced that the newest iPhone 12 camera will make even your beastly face appear nearly fuckable. …
New Tesla Model Uses Your Fat Stores To Reach Its Destination
As part of a larger effort to accelerate the world’s transition to renewable energy, Tesla (NASDAQ: TSLA) today announced that they will be scrapping a …
Nikola Vehicles Emit 100% Less Than Teslas By Not Existing
A new study from California Polytechnic University shows Nikola (NASDAQ: NKLA) Motors have 100% less emissions than Teslas by never having been invented in the …
“Amazon Time” Now Promises Previous Day Delivery
Amazon has released its new premium feature, previous day delivery. This comes after community complaints of Amazon Prime no longer honoring 2-day delivery. This introduction …
New Postmates Feature Lets You Decide If Delivery Driver Gets Healthcare
SAN FRANCISCO, CA—In an effort to compete in the increasingly crowded food delivery software market, Uber-owned Postmates is testing out a new feature that lets …
Real News That Apple Didn’t Pay Us To Write: AirPods Are At Their Lowest Price Ever
CUPERTINO, CA—In what is probably a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for anyone in the market for new earbuds, Apple has recently decreased the price of their AirPods …
BlackRock Takes $2B Position In Company After CEO Sees Facebook Post Reading: “$SHLL To The Moon!!!”
NEW YORK CITY—Global asset manager BlackRock has taken a substantial position in the largely unknown company Tortoise Acquisition Corporation (NYSE: SHLL) after Louisiana man Gabriel …