SAN FRANCISCO, CA— Twitter’s (NYSE: TWTR) stock plummeted by over 20% yesterday after a disastrous earnings report, following a slowdown in revenue growth and issues with user engagement with ads on the platform. “We want to make it crystal clear to our stakeholders, customers, and investors that despite changes to ads on the platform, you will still be able to conveniently read and become disgusted … Continue reading Twitter CEO Reaffirms More Ads Will Not Degrade Experience Of Reading Your Uncle’s Xenophobic Tirades

NEW YORK, NEW YORK— Amidst a whirlwind of layoffs, the ejection of CEO Adam Neumann, and a last-minute bailout by SoftBank, WeWork’s remaining employees have decided to douse millions of dollars in gasoline and light it ablaze to stay warm during the workweek. “Our building is so cold in the fall season, and the city shut off our power after we stopped paying the utility … Continue reading Desperate WeWork Employees Set Remaining Cash On Fire To Stay Warm

There are dozens of hot companies that are hiring hundreds of new employees in 2019, and qualified professionals (definitely not you) should keep them on their radar for the future. The companies below are ready to hire at a moments notice, so don’t let these jobs slip away from your more successful peers! Facebook First up is the Silicon Valley beast: Facebook. Business Outsider analysts … Continue reading These Companies Are Hiring Like Crazy (Not You) In 2019

MENLO PARK, CA- In a recent interview with Business Outsider, Facebook chief executive Mark Zuckerberg’s central processing unit played off a pointed question about the company’s research in brain-computer interfaces. Many academics and politicians have criticized the company for researching and potentially commercializing the human brain, but Facebook has declined to discuss or provide any details on the nature of the research. “We continue to … Continue reading In Leaked Audio, Mark Zuckerberg’s CPU Plays Off Question About Brain-Computer Interface Research

SAN JOSE, CA— After an intense weekend of coding, a 26-year-old software developer participating in an annual Hackathon event was knocked unconscious by agents from the National Security Agency and quickly dragged into an unmarked van idling outside of the conference. His laptop, which was decorated with worn-out stickers of his favorite companies and brands, was placed into a plastic bag by another agent wearing … Continue reading Hackathon Winner Dragged Away By NSA Agents, Laptop Confiscated