Jack In The Box Offers Munchie Meal With Loaded Fries, Loaded Tacos, And Loaded Gun
SAN DIEGO, CA—On Saturday, Jack in the Box announced that they would be offering a new munchie meal with their signature cheesy carne asada loaded …
Category: MEDIA & ENTERTAINMENT
4 of 5 Dentists Bribed To Recommend Trident Gum
Scarsdale, New York—Dr. Ely Finckle, DDS. has a devastating announcement for the millions of Trident gum fans he’s lied to. He claims that he and …
Buy This Entrepreneur’s Disruptive Book Or He’ll Kill My Family
LOCATION REDACTED—I was forced into a conversation with world-renowned entrepreneur, venture capitalist, and multi-billionaire Larry Gallotrocelopopolous to discuss his highly anticipated motivational memoir entitled Winning The …
Zoom Rolls Out Virtual Foregrounds for Unphotogenic Users
SAN JOSE, CA—Shares in video conferencing powerhouse Zoom (NASDAQ: ZM) soared today after a software update introduced new features for optimizing users’ aesthetic experience. Zoom …
Virgin Hyperloop Car Obliterates Mountain Lion Caught In Tube
LAS VEGAS, NV—A leaked video surfaced this week of a Virgin Hyperloop car vaporizing a Nevada mountain lion during a record-breaking speed test. For months, …
FBI Hires Corporate Marketing Veteran To Email Missing Persons In Hopes Of Finding Them Well
In an internal memo shared exclusively with Business Outsider, FBI director Thomas Henderson revealed that the FBI will be adopting email as a primary tactic …
Desperate To Re-engage Trump Base, Fox News Acquires Playboy
Alarmed that longtime viewers are leaving over accusations of becoming fake news, Fox News (NASDAQ: FOX) acquired Playboy magazine in a bold bet to save …
In-N-Out Commits To Quality You Can Taste By Slaughtering Live Cows In Front Of Customers
IRVINE, CA—Yesterday In-N-Out Burger announced that they will be slaughtering live cows in front of their customers to serve them the freshest meat possible. The …
Animal Crossing Enhances Realism With New Euthanization Feature
KYOTO, JAPAN—Nintendo today announced that the upcoming Animal Crossing: New Horizons update will introduce a permadeath feature to mimic the devastating loss that comes with …
Rights To Quibi’s “Die Hart” Now For Sale On eBay
Quibi Holdings LLC, the now defunct streaming service that launched just six months ago, has started the process of liquidating its assets as part of …