SAN DIEGO, CA—On Saturday, Jack in the Box announced that they would be offering a new munchie meal with their signature cheesy carne asada loaded fries, saucy loaded tiny tacos, and 2 loaded extended magazine Glock 17 pistols.
Jack in the Box CEO Darin Harris explained,“Our analysts noticed a strong correlation between how popular our menu items are and how many years they take off your lifespan. So we figured, why not streamline the experience and let our customers instantly cut years off their lives, or perhaps even other people’s lives?”
Not everyone was a fan of Jack in the Box’s NRA-sponsored loaded munchie meal idea.
“This is ludicrous. Jack in the Box is putting customers and their families’ lives in grave danger. The only solution is to require common sense background checks on Jack in the box customers. There’s no other way to keep maniacs away from those dangerous combo meals, guns and plastic assault-straws!” customer Parth Lopez exclaimed.
At press time, company mascot Jack Box was found dead in the parking lot after a suspected drive-through shooting.