TONY ROBBIN’S MOUTH, CA—Thousands piled into the gaping maw of entrepreneur and motivational speaker Tony Robbins Friday to attend the “Taste the Power Within” weekend seminar.
“I want to prove to you that anything is possible, that’s why I’m hosting this life-changing three-day retreat inside my own mouth,” said Robbins in a promotional advertisement for the conference. “All of us have a glowing, white-hot power within us and all it takes is a moment to harness it and change our lives forever! To control that power in yourself, you need to see the power in me by experiencing the expansive infinitude of my glorious oral cavity.”
Reviews of the event have been largely positive, with many attendees claiming their lives have drastically improved after attending.
“Two years ago I was living in a trailer, feeding my kids trash from the dumpster behind McDonalds. That all changed this weekend when I broke a wooden board in half that was balanced between Tony’s first and second molars. In that moment I saw the endless potential within myself. I had a vision of me and my two boys eating from the garbage inside of McDonalds – and that’s the vision I will make a reality thanks to Tony,” said Kathy McGregor, a 48-year-old mother of two.
Rumors indicate that next year’s “Release the Power Within” event will be held inside Mr. Robbins’ voluminous colon.