After Waiting 9.5-Hours In line, Vans Executive Team Acquires Supreme For $2.1B

New York, NY– At 4:00 am Monday morning executives from skating shoe brand Vans stood in line outside the Supreme flagship store in Lower Manhattan. Vans had hopes of being the first to purchase the exclusive, one-of-a-kind Supreme Hyperboosted Company Sales Agreement Contract. The contract’s release event was announced by Supreme late Sunday night on their Instagram live. According to the post, whoever was first in line to purchase the contract could, in effect, purchase Supreme as a company. Dozens of teenagers joined eager company executives in line for the drop.

After waiting the first 7 hours in line behind a young Philipino small business owner, Vans executives promised the man they would hold his spot in line while he stepped out to buy a bacon-wrapped hotdog. This promise was woefully deemed to be not valid in the court of law, and Vans took full advantage of man’s apparent gullibility.

Two hours later, the tardy shop owner arrived and unlocked the front doors. Once admitted, the Vans team each Venmo’d fellow executive Doug Palladini their share of the $2.1B for Doug buying Supreme on his family credit card.

“Dope,” said Vans Executive Doug Palladini, as he held the bright red piece of paper with legal writing in Supreme’s trademark white font. “This is the new flame, literally none of my friends have this piece.” The ‘piece’ meant the ownership of Supreme’s coveted brand. Unfortunately for Doug, the price tag of the brand was several hundred million more dollars than his mom and minority shareholders would have liked him to spend on a company.

Doug’s mother called shortly after the deal went through. “Have you lost your mind? There are perfectly good companies all over the place! How about a Carhartt? A nice good winter company that’ll last you!” The conversation went on with Doug’s mother admonishing him and blaming his executive friends for being a bad influence on each other.

According to Doug, his Mom is not the kind of shopper Vans is hoping to attract with this purchase. Palladini and the Vans executives think the acquisition will help them ‘stand-out’ when it comes to appealing to Gen Z audiences; an audience that historically confused and enamored Vans leadership. “Kids love Supreme because it’s exclusive and mysterious. And we get that. So we’re going to put exclusives in EVERY mall’s PacSun. More super-secret drops every week. You and all your friends can wear the same cool, rare things we sell,” said Doug as he landed a double kickflip outside Vans’ corporate headquarters.

Although the deal is done, there is still lingering a chance Vans will resell the Hyperboosted Company Sales Agreement Contract on the Supreme aftermarket. Interests are always high, and as of writing this article, sources have confirmed that notorious Hypebeast and Saudi Crown Prince, Mohammed Bin Salman, has already offered $6.9B more than the sticker price.

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