Purell® Unveils 12 Year Oak Cask Aged Hand Sanitizer

With a COVID vaccine on the horizon, Purell® owner GOJO Industries has a new plan to maintain their record-high profits: a top shelf hand sanitizer for those with unclean hands and a sophisticated palate.

The new Purell Private Reserve® brand sanitizer is aged in oak casks by GOJO’s expert chemists poached from the finest laboratories in Napa Valley and the South of France. Purell Private Reserve® is brewed with only the finest aloe harvested in small batches by artisanal Sudanese farmers. The company boasts two vintages: a 5-year White Label and a 32-year Gold Label which can sell for up to $15,000.

Business Outsider reporters sat in as Master Sommelier, Vincent Morrow tested a sample of the high-end hygiene product.

“It’s quite difficult to imagine a sanitizer that could be more complex and full bodied than the original Purell®, but this Gold Label Private Reserve® exceeds my expectations!” he said. He gently tipped the Purell® branded crystal decanter, allowing a dollop to fall into his hands which he vigorously rubbed together before lowering his head and breathing in the fumes. “The oaky smoothness provides a delicate balance to the stinging, almost burning sensation of the 75% isopropyl alcohol content. It has heady, yet earthy notes which would pair nicely with a rare cut of lamb or even a firm Brie.”

In response to the new product, Proctor and Gamble (NYSE: PG) have announced a new line of light hand sanitizers infused with caffeine targeted toward students in fraternities.

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