Spotify Commits To Content Moderation Policies That Maximize Profits

Pictured: Daniel Ek, CEO of Spotify presenting the new profit-maximizing content policies at the company’s quarterly board meeting

NEW YORK CITY—Shortly after podcast celebrity Joe Rogan hosted controversial public figure Alex Jones on his show, there was a resurgence of protests from Spotify employees who want more aggressive content moderation policies. Spotify CEO Daniel Ek in a recent earnings call responded to the events by committing to content moderation policies that ensure shareholder profits are maximized.

“We understand and deeply empathize with our employees’ concerns about speech and moderation,” said Ek to Spotify’s executive leadership and major shareholders present at the meeting.

“That being said, we must take a principles-based approach to moderating content. That principle is, of course, how can we generate the most value for you all, our shareholders. Therefore, the flexibility of our content moderation policy will likely evolve over time based on what we believe will drive the highest growth in revenue and subscriptions to our service,” he continued while his assistants aggressively took notes.

The Spotify employee coalition quickly fragmented after the company used various incentives to quell their anger. The CEO said these methods were largely effective as he continued his opening remarks.

“As we all know the media sensationalizes events that in reality are not nearly as dramatic as they appear in the public’s eye. Over 95% of the employees that signed an internal petition for moderation reform quickly reversed their position down after we offered them a full three months of Spotify premium for free,” he added.

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More attractive measures were executed for the remaining 5% including increasing year-end bonuses, more vacation time, and an opportunity to appear on Mr. Rogan’s show.

At press time, the last remaining employee that remained steadfast in their advocacy for stricter content moderation for the company’s content was given their own podcast to discuss these issues, financed by Spotify itself. The show was quickly cancelled after the company’s data scientists realized that the show was not contributing materially to shareholder profits.

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