Absolutely badass startup Gravity Industries, known for their wicked sick jetpack, was forced to shut their doors last Friday after some nerd named Thomas sued them. According to Thomas’ lame-ass lawyer, his client’s leg was torn off while “using the product exactly as designed”.
“This fucking blows!” said Gravity founder Richard Browning, “Sure he’s got a solid case, but what do you expect when you strap jet engines to your limbs? Guitarists grow calluses, gamers get carpal tunnel, and jet-packers get their extremities gouged out of their torsos. If he was chill he’d get his leg preserved and display it in his living room like the trophy that it is. Could you imagine? He’d be a fucking legend!”
Blake Andrews served as a witness during the court case. He addressed the court wearing an Ed Hardy shirt, Ray Bans, and a backward Lakers snap back. “Man that was totally radical! His leg started twisting around and around and then it just shot straight off!” Andrews motioned with his hand, demonstrating the trajectory of the limb. He then turned to Thomas, “I can’t believe you’re suing these guys. Seriously such a bitch move.”
Despite Thomas’ weak-ass lawsuit, there may be hope for Gravity Industries. Yesterday a leak uncovered a RedBull sponsored, televised event in which skydiver Felix Baumgartner would fly a Gravity Industries jetpack to the edge of space before being torn limb from limb.