It’s election season, and market participants want to know which way the election will go in order to make stock predictions. Trump or Biden? Red or blue? Left or right?
“How about straight down,” says Business Outsider’s economic expert Jake Kolonovic. Optimistically, Kolonovic thinks that even though democracy itself might lose this election, the future of your 401(k) could stand to win. With this in mind, Business Outsider decided to take a look at the top six stocks that will truly shine should our democracy collapse into hell on earth.
Nestle SA (S: NESN)
Pierre, San Pelegrino, Ice Mountain, Arrow Head, Poland Springs, Deer Park- these are just a few of the name brands owned by Nestle Corp. Chances are, you drink water — and you’re not alone. Multiple verified studies conducted by Nestle scientists show the average American actually prefers to drink water to survive. Thankfully, former CEO Peter Brabeck-Letmathe pioneered the view that water is not a human right. This tells us that, even if human rights do persist during the collapse, Nestle won’t let them get in the way of shareholder profit. With Nestle controlling many of the freshwater sources around the country, our analysts just can’t imagine an underground bunker without one of Nestle’s bottled water products next to the gun rack.
Palantir (NYSE: PLTR)
Palantir offers a product that analyzes big data to better predict human behavior. So, it may comfort shareholders to know that the LAPD is one of Palantir’s most important clients. We expect clients like the LAPD to love using Palantir’s product “Gotham” in a state of emergency. Palantir can give police departments essential info on who is posting on which message board, this in turn could give the police a crucial edge in the inevitable Civilian versus Police war expected for the post-failed-election years to come.
Bayer (OTC: BAYR.Y)
Bayer knows how to profit off a holocaust, the only difference is this time around they might pick the winning side. This is the company that brought you Zyklon-b (used in the gas chambers during the holocaust) and went on to influence cutting edge work like the invention of Agent Orange. From Germany to Vietnam, Bayer has made its indelible mark in the multipurpose chemical space. Our analysts are excited to see what Bayer can do with our food supply now that the company has merged with fan-favorite agriculture giant Monsanto. Dystopia or no dystopia, the upside is tremendous for this stock over the next 12 quarters.
The GEO Group (NYSE: GEO)
Business Outsider analysts ran the numbers, and millions of Americans will vote for the losing party. The GEO Group owns the most private prison cells in America. Based on our predictions we forecast the growth for the number of civilians irrationally imprisoned to have a huge upside. This all bodes well for the GEO Group and their stock in the event of a disruption in civil society.
Phillip Morris (NYSE: PM)
When democracy collapses, people are going to need a smoke. In this classic Rich Dad Poor Dad move, don’t just use the product, own the product. Every pack you put in your pocket should put a little coin back in there too.
Amazon (NASDAQ: AMZN)
No surprise here: Amazon might just be more powerful than the feeble United States government already. They will thrive in the instability. Everyone has asked themselves how they could possibly be entitled to one-day shipping. How could Amazon afford to provide prime shipping with the tiny $9.99 a month price tag. Well, the answer is they couldn’t, but the time to collect is now. Amazon is coming to collect on those shipping fees. The public reaps what it sews, and Amazon’s power has run away from it. The entire team at Business Outsider agrees that the company has reached a level of power that, in the event of our inevitable collapse, they are uniquely positioned to strap a gun to every drone in their warehouse, shut off supply chains for home essentials, deploy families’ personal data against them, and at the very least quadruple in market capitalization.