Sony Introduces PlayStation With 30-Year Mortgage Option

Alongside the release of the new SonyPlaystation, a 30-year mortgage option was announced to help younger, first-time console buyers finance what will likely be the biggest purchase of their lives thus far.

“My husband and I really didn’t know how we were gonna afford the new PlayStation,” said Steven Attenborough, a newly married business student at Arizona State University, “We considered selling our Nintendo 3DS to make it easier, but with this new mortgage option we won’t have to. Between the mortgage and Greg’s part-time job, we’ll finally be able to afford our dream console. Our banker even said that after a few years of paying down our mortgage we might get approved to take out a loan on a second controller!”

Others weren’t as optimistic. Anika Garcia, a single mother of four, explained her predicament.

“Back in 2006, I got a variable rate mortgage on an Xbox for my boys. I just wanted to be a good mother and give them a happy Christmas. Well, two years later my interest rate skyrocketed and I just couldn’t afford it anymore. The bank foreclosed on my Xbox and sold it to the highest bidder. They walked in and tore the cables right out of the TV. My credit still hasn’t recovered.” She took a moment to wipe a tear from her eye, “I just want to make my kids happy, but I know I’ll never get approved for this Playstation. This Christmas my kids will be getting another Call of Duty disk with nothing to play it on.”

At press time, investment banks including Goldman Sachs and JP Morgan Chase were promoting investors to add CBS (Console-Backed Securities) to their portfolios as a safe hedge against uncertainty in the board game market.

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