GOTHAM—Fed up with NYPD officers’ refusal to wear masks in public, The Joker and Bane appeared together at a press conference yesterday to advocate for the public health benefits of wearing a mask.
“No one cared who I was ‘til I put on the mask,” Bane remarked coldly, “The mask is an effective tool of deception. Taking off the mask can have some rather… painful repercussions, at least in my experience. If you truly want the city to respect you, to fear you… the mask can accomplish that. But if you still refuse to wear a mask, you have my permission to die.”
Many people join the NYPD out of a sense of duty to serve their communities. However, The Joker had sharp critiques for the force at the conference.
“What’s their motto again, hmmm? Courtesy, professionalism, respect? Their morals, their code; it’s a bad joke. I once said ‘if you give a man a mask, he will become his true self.’ But now, by not wearing masks, they’ve shown their true selves! It’s ironic, really!” he then laughed maniacally.
Out of nowhere, Batman swooped in behind the two super-villains and bound them together with an excessively complicated rope-like device that shot from his gauntlet. He approached the microphone and yelled, “Listen to nothing these liars have to say!” A reporter then explained the positions of the two criminal masterminds and a visibly embarrassed Batman went on to state that, in this case, he agreed with them. He explained, “A hero can be anyone. Even an officer doing something as simple and reassuring as putting on a simple cloth mask,” he stated. “The mask is not to protect you, the mask is to protect us all. It’s an important public health tool but it’s also a symbol of stability in the chaos. The mask is the only thing that can keep Gotham safe.”
He then yelled “I am the night!” and disappeared in a puff of smoke.