Early-stage Investors Now Looking Into Pregnant Women With Promising Fetuses

PALO ALTO, CA—With venture firms holding record amounts of cash, early-stage investors are looking to take on riskier investments by funding companies at the earliest possible stage: before the birth of the entrepreneur.

“We’re taking the idea of seed investing to a totally new level by literally investing in the fertilized seed of the entrepreneur,” said a General Partner at First Round Capital, a notable seed-stage venture firm. He went on, “By providing plenty of working capital for the woman to nurture the future founder more effectively, we’re able to establish a strong relationship with the family and increase their chances of leading future investment rounds when the entrepreneur is born and inevitably starts a software-as-a-service company.”

“It’s a nascent market right now, but it’s hot as all hell,” said the Head of Private Capital Markets at Barclays in an interview with reporters. “I’ve already done six deals in the last two months, and the next quarter is looking even stronger. Most of these deals are done in the third trimester of pregnancy, but there are a few firms that are willing to take bigger bets and invest in women in the first trimester who don’t even know if they’re going to keep the child. And that’s obviously a huge risk, but you can imagine the payoff if that baby comes out alive and swinging.”

At press time, a syndicate of investors were reportedly attempting to sell their now worthless stakes in an entrepreneur who tragically emerged stillborn.

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