Warren Buffet Sees His Shadow Indicating Another Quarter Of Bull Market

This morning at precisely 10:43 AM, a timid Warren Buffet emerged from his modest home. A hush fell over the press and onlookers as the reclusive Buffet sniffed around for a few seconds before quickly skittering back inside upon seeing his shadow. A brass band immediately began playing, quickly joined by the sounds of laughter and applause from the onlookers – there would indeed be another quarter of bull market.

“I am just honored to carry on this tradition,” said Samuel Atkins, lead organizer of the Guru Day festival, “My father was there watching over Benjamin Graham at the first festival, and I think this tradition needs to live on. I’m really pleased that Omaha Buffet saw his shadow, I may have to celebrate by splurging on some shares of Coca-Cola! (NYSE:KO)”. Immediately afterward, Atkins began throwing handfuls of Sees candy into the crowd of traders and analysts who eagerly clamored over the raining treats.

Back on Wall Street, traders remained skeptical. “I don’t get it,” said senior quantitative trader Samantha Cunningham, “I guess it’s all in good fun, but some people actually bet their life savings based on whether some guy sees his shadow or not. It’s a little concerning if you ask me.” Cunningham refused to comment on the returns of her portfolio since last year’s Guru Day.

At press time, Warren Buffet was seen placing a significant buy order for Bitcoin.

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