Elon Musk On Neuralink: “I’ll Be Able To Control Pigs, And Fortunately Pigs Can’t Unionize”

Elon Musk yesterday demonstrated a new device prototyped by his startup Neuralink, which uses a chip to forge a communication bridge between a computer and the brain. Perhaps his most salient comment was made during the discussion of potential applications of the technology. Musk implied that he plans to eventually replace his human employees with pigs citing the fact that pigs have neither the legal right nor the cognitive ability to comprehend the concept of a union.

“It really is quite an achievement we’re seeing here today with Gertrude,” he said of the first-ever pig with the device implanted in its skull, “and eventually this chip will have applications including curing blindness, supervision for soldiers, as well as the very exciting ability to have full control over the pig, which as we all know, is not recognized under the National Labor Relations Act of 1935.”

To an audience of engineers and journalists, he continued, “Pigs are the right choice because they’re quite intelligent, in fact, they’re smarter than most breeds dog, yet no one really cares about pigs. If I did this with dogs then the ASPCA would be up my ass with a dog union tomorrow, but we eat pigs all the time so I can really do whatever I want to them and no one cares. That being said the hooves are a challenge, but we can innovate around it.”

At press time, Musk could be seen putting coals on a grill outside the conference center as one of his engineers, crying uncontrollably, took the test pig to a nearby field.

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