New Study Finds That You Should Have Bought TSLA In March, God Dammit


A new study released by Barclays this week found that you should have bought TSLA back in March, you fucking idiot. The study also found that you really were considering buying in around $400, but figured their February rally was just a mishap, a typical conclusion for someone with your distinctively smooth brain. The study found that Tesla is in fact the face of the future and that you never should have doubted the company that single-handedly created the EV market while also perfecting battery and solar technology with the end goal of creating a world of fully decentralized, free clean energy. God damn, you’re dim, the study found.

Amy Corsaro, a Barclays researcher then continued criticizing your dumb ass, “You know, you wouldn’t know a good company if it ran into you at 60 miles per hour – which, by the way, a Tesla would never do, because their vision systems and autopilot are lightyears ahead of the rest of the market!”

This study is even more meaningful in the context of related studies proving you to be a naive, knuckle-dragging troglodyte. One such study released earlier this year found that only a moron like you would have sold Apple (NASDAQ: AAPL) at $150 and another study from 2008 hypothesized that you must be trying to buy high and sell low.

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