SAN FRANCISCO, CA— In an interview with Stephanie Ruhle on Wednesday, Uber CEO Dara Khosrowshahi threatened to shut down the company’s operations in California unless the court reconsidered its order to reclassify Uber drivers as human beings.
“This is a classic example of government overreach,” said Mr. Khosrowshahi aggressively during in the interview.
“Our drivers have spoken, and they simple don’t prefer to be classified as independent human beings, legally of course. They like being drivers, and we like it that way too. Does anyone else see the irony in the fact that California is trying to force people into certain categories?” he continued.
Business Outsider reporters interviewed on of the drivers, who appeared to be in a delirious, zombified state. He supported the CEO’s position.
“Yes, I love driving for Uber. Uber and me are one and the same. We are one forever and ever. I will not let the government get in between me and Uber. I love Uber,” he said robotically.
At press time, the Uber board of directors could be seen meeting outside of the courthouse frantically figuring out how to get home. The board usually takes Uber, but after they shut down the service, they all had to call Lyft and taxis.