AUSTIN, TX— A new socioeconomic study completed by a collection of government agencies and think-tanks has discovered that almost every millennial cannot cover an emergency expense of $400, except for Josh who is fucking killing it right now.
The Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis led the study, which surveyed over twenty thousand millennials across every state and demographic.
“We’re certainly surprised at the magnitude of the fragmentation of the millennial generation’s economic conditions,” commented the chairman of the institution.
“Millennials have been uniquely impacted by the coronavirus pandemic, as they continue to face challenge after challenge in attempting to save money and grow their wealth. Compared to the Baby Boomer generation which owned 21% at the equivalent average age, millennials own just three percent of the nation’s wealth.”
“On the other hand, Josh has just purchased a new 2020 Maserati Ghibli, which our research analysts learned after he found a way to bring it up in the interview almost immediately,” she continued.
The team of researchers continues to study socioeconomic trends. They have also made an official statement regarding their study as well as a call to action to millennials:
“For any millennials struggling right now, just know that if you continue to find ways to save, you can achieve the same comfort and wealth levels as previous generations, however long it may take. To Josh, keep smashing it man, just. Well, just keep doing what you’re doing I guess, you seem to have it all figured out, good for you.”