Another Lucky Undeserving Fuck Is so Humbled and Honored to Have the Chance to Work at a Fucking Mindblowing Company

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON— Perseus Quigley, a recent graduate from the University of Washington, was spending his Tuesday night inside when he got an update on a long-shot job opportunity he interviewed for two weeks prior: “An Update on Your Amazon Application”. Somehow this prick, Perseus, caught a hail mary. Two of the three questions on the interview were literally the exact questions he glanced at on HackerRank the night before the interview.

The only reason Perseus got to the final interview was because his fucking friend who interviewed the previous year gave him the fucking question pool. And this cunt, Perseus, barely looked at it. The asshole will be receiving an estimated $200 fucking grand in stock options over four years.

“I am so humbled and honored to be starting a new role as software engineer this fall at Amazon. It’s such a prestigious achievement to get an opportunity so rare, and today it finally happened,” typed Quigley as his vision blurred from the tears forming in his stupid, worthless eyes.

“I honestly, genuinely, do not deserve this opportunity. If you look into my track record, you’ll see that I was pushed into this. I focused exclusively on getting through the classes (whether it was memorizing the concepts or straight up cheating), and I did what I had to do. But now I feel nothing. No fulfillment, no gratification. I feel like an empty shell of a human being. And again, so, so very honored to be apart of Amazon,” continued Quigley.

In a follow-up LinkedIn post two months later, Quigley continued to express his humility.

According to research done by Business Outsider, vanilla fucks like Perseus are landing huge, massively important roles at a 27% higher rate than the year prior.

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