Coca-Cola Begrudgingly Pledges Net Zero Emissions By 2075 Since People Are Apparently Still Talking About This Climate Change Thing

Coca-Cola, the multinational beverage and logistics conglomerate, has finally pledged to transform their business into a net-zero emission operation by the year 2075, since apparently people seem to really care about climate change for some reason. The CEO of the Coca-Cola was finally convinced by a team of advocates on his board that pledging a net zero emission goal, while costly, would benefit the business in the long run.

“Look, I mean, I’ll be dead by then so to be honest I really don’t give a shit about what happens after that,” he said in a recent press conference with Business Outsider reporters.

“Nonetheless, I’m very pleased,” he then looked down at his notes to check what the next speaking line was. “Ah yes, I am very pleased to pledge that we are becoming a net zero emissions business by the year 2075. Can I go now?”

At press time, a group of executives could be seen smoking outside the board room discussing how surprised they all were that people really care about stupid old whales and the jungle this much.

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