Apple Increases Productivity By 20% After Developing Foldable Engineers

CUPERTINO, CA— Apple has announced the completion of a previously top-secret R&D project focused on creating totally foldable software engineers.

“We’re so excited to announce that we have developed a strategy to fold our engineers and store them in on-campus warehouses without damaging them. This enables our employees to avoid the long commutes to and from work by simply folding themselves up and sleeping inside comfortable and temperature-regulated cubbies between workdays,” said Apple’s chief technology officer and lead director on the project.

This project’s completion was announced at the tail-end of its main competitor, Samsung, announcing and launching a completely foldable smartphone.

“While our competitor might be announcing a gimmicky foldable product, we took the idea of folding and completely turned it on its head,” said Tim Cook, chief executive of Apple.

“Now that we can safely fold our engineers between shifts, there’s really no limit to our innovative capabilities across our diverse line of beautiful and life-changing products,” he continued.

At press time, a well-rested senior software engineer at Apple could be seen performing morning stretches after a night in one of the stylish 2-by-8 foot cubbies.

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