As the entertainment industry completes its pivot to a streaming model, Netflix has kept its competitive edge by lulling users into a false sense of entertainment using cutting-edge psychological manipulation.
“It’s a very interesting phenomenon they’ve discovered,” said UCLA professor of psychology, Kim Starret.
“In fact, if you’ve ever had the feeling that there’s nothing to watch on Netflix, you’re actually completely correct. In reality, since 2016 the Netflix platform has just been a blank screen with a calming voiceover that brings you deep into a hypnotic state before suggesting to you that certain shows exist and that they are, in fact, your favorite shows. Orange is the New Black, Stranger Things, even the newer seasons of Black Mirror simply do not exist- they’re all just mental constructs.”
In the face of obviously superior competition, Netflix’s hypnotic content seems primed to succeed well into the future. Here’s what some subscribers had to say when asked for their opinions of Netflix: “This episode of BoJack Horseman is superbly written and captures the experience of depression perfectly while maintaining a comedic tone,” said one blank-faced man, his glazed eyes staring at a blank screen.
“I can’t stop scrolling through all these high-quality titles. How could I ever choose from this bountiful supply of entertainment?” said another user, pantomiming the action of flipping through different shows with her remote. Another hypnotized viewer remarked: “Please do not bother me. I am binging Ozark because it features excellent acting and a gripping plot.”
At press time, Netflix users around the globe had simultaneously begun chanting “Amazon Prime Video produces subpar content!”