SAN JOSE, CA— After an intense weekend of coding, a 26-year-old software developer participating in an annual Hackathon event was knocked unconscious by agents from the National Security Agency and quickly dragged into an unmarked van idling outside of the conference. His laptop, which was decorated with worn-out stickers of his favorite companies and brands, was placed into a plastic bag by another agent wearing black gloves and highly reflective sunglasses.
“We’re so excited to announce the winner of this year’s Hackathon event, Juan Hernandez!” said the event host as he held up Juan’s hand to a thunderous applause.
Using the applause as a distraction, the team of NSA agents placed a sleep-inducing inhalant over his face and proceeded to end the conference.
“Please go directly to your transportation, the event is now over. Photos and videos are not allowed at this time. Anyone who films will have their files deleted and face felony criminal charges,” said one of the nameless agents over the loudspeakers in the venue.
Business Outsider reached out to the NSA for a statement regarding the event, and received the following response:
“The NSA takes great interest in individuals who exhibit a skill level that meets our exceptionally high standard. We collect these people because of their talent, and offer them a number of attractive employment opportunities to choose from,” said the NSA’s Director of Public Relations.
At press time, hundreds of people could be seen waiting to buy their tickets for next year’s Hackathon event, which often sell out just minutes after they are released to the public.