NEW YORK, NY— WeWork chief executive Adam Neumann has been ousted from the company he founded nine years prior after the board of directors learned his astrological sign was in fact Taurus and not Aries as he previously advertised.
“Adam has truly disappointed us today,” said Mark Schwartz who recently joined the board in conjunction with SoftBank’s investment in the company.
“A major factor in our decision to invest in WeWork was the fact that Adam was an Aries with the bravery and confidence required to lead this company to success. However, after we discovered his birthday was actually two weeks later than he disclosed making his demeanor instead passive and calm. This mistake could single-handedly sink the company, so I am excited to be moving forward with two new co-CEOs that are both Aries,” he continued.
Investors and potential investors in the company speculated on what this shake-up could mean for WeWork.
“Look, it all makes sense now that you connect the dots and see that Adam had no confidence this whole time because he is such a classic Taurus,” said a senior portfolio manager at Goldman Sachs candidly.
“However, with the new directors leading the company, I am still bullish on the opportunity to disrupt the work environment,” he continued.
At press time, Mr. Neumann could be seen shopping for a secluded mansion in northern Oregon, which some observed would be the perfect place for a Taurus to live.