Charcoal And Oil Companies Stand “Ready To Assist” Brazil With Amazon Fires

THE AMAZON RAINFOREST— In incredibly uncharacteristic fashion, the largest charcoal and oil companies have publicly offered their resources to Brazil as it combats record-high levels of fires in the Amazon Rainforest.

“We care deeply about the health and preservation of the Amazon,” said Darren Woods, the chief executive of ExxonMobil.

“This is clearly a crisis that impacts the entire world, and therefore we will spare no expense to assist Brazil in any way possible to ensure these fires are extinguished expeditiously,” he continued.

The executives at dozens of companies supported Mr. Woods’ statement, echoing his offer to supply their own resources to the Brazilian government.

“Although most of our infrastructure won’t be of use to stop fires, we have fleets of hundreds of trucks that can transport useless waste such as burnt wood,” said the vice president of resource planning for a multinational charcoal distribution plant.

“We can then transport this harmful waste product from the fires away from the Brazilian people to our plants, where it can be processed and properly disposed of,” he continued.

At press time, hundreds of trucks and dozens of cargo planes could be seen landing at the perimeter of the fires ready to assist Brazil in this tragic situation.

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