Dow Plummets 800 Points As Investors Reconsider If Snapchat Actually Does Anything

NEW YORK, NY— The Dow Jones Industrial Average (DJIA) plummeted over 800 points today as investors reconsidered whether or not companies like Snapchat (NYSE: SNAP) have any real utility in the market.

“A lot of investors were giving Snapchat and similar companies the benefit of the doubt,” said Robert Jensen, a Vice President of Goldman Sachs’ asset management branch.

“However, upon reevaluating our initial decision to invest in Snapchat three years ago, it appears that this company may not actually offer anything that would compel consumers to pay for. In layman’s terms, what that would mean is that Snapchat doesn’t have a legitimate product or service, which would obviously have negative implications regarding the value of the company,” he stated matter-of-factly.

Many companies like Snapchat are experiencing similar criticism, which reporters speculate is a major factor behind today’s drop.

“Over 65% of the market’s value today is predicated on companies like Snapchat and other technology companies to eventually generate revenue from their user base,” said a senior economist at Barclays.

“But when you think about it, why would any rational person give Snapchat a fucking dime? There’s thousands of these companies out there, and I think people are waking up to the fact that Snapchat is a giant pile of garbage with Febreze sprayed all over it,” he continued while frantically opening up new tabs on his online browser.

At press time, the futures market was predicting another large drop in the market on Thursday after another senior portfolio manager downloaded and used Snapchat for the first time and realized what they had invested in.

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