In a nation still in shock over two back-to-back mass killings, even more lives were lost today to violent video games. The suspect, Timothy Withers is in custody after a grueling, four-hour rampage of hacking and slashing victims with the edge of a PS4 disk.
“It was the most horrible thing I’ve ever seen,” said an anonymous witness, holding back tears. “He spent five full minutes rubbing the disk on one guy’s neck until he finally broke skin.”
The perpetrator is in custody after a brief standoff with police in which Mr. Withers allegedly threw the disk, ninja-star style, towards police before immediately surrendering. An investigation has revealed that the rampage was triggered after Mr. Wither’s 59th consecutive failure of a particularly difficult mission in Far Cry 4.
Rep. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) released the following statement: “I pray for the victim’s families who have lost what cannot be replaced. But let’s not forget that this tragedy could have been avoided if only there had been a good guy with a game.” Feinstein reported 2.3 million dollars in donations from the video game lobby last year.
At press time, citizens fearful of a government ban had begun stockpiling games from the Far Cry Franchise.