You Don’t Know Sophistication Until You Own Snapchat’s Monocle

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This week Snapchat (NYSE: SNAP) released the newest in breakthrough luxury wearables: Monocle.

“This isn’t your typical Hermes or Gucci eyepiece. Monocle is a $26,999 technological powerhouse hidden within a beautifully designed eyeglass that would make Rockefeller envious,” said the chief designer of Snapchat at a product launch event for Monocle.

“No longer will you have to hold up your phone to snap a video as you sip your Nolet Private Reserve® Martini. With Monocle, you’ll be shooting footage in 8K 120 FPS from a stabilized camera hidden within a carbon fiber frame wedged comfortably in your eye socket,” he continued as furious applause erupted in the theater.

Business Outsider reporters got an exclusive interview with the very first Monocle owner.

“The second any subordinate sees my Monocle, their jaws drop in astonishment at the immense depth of my opulence. With the simple press of a button, I can then capture and share that reaction in stabilized ultra HD for a hearty laugh with the rest of the yacht club during our next cocktail party,” remarked Evan Spiegel, the CEO of Snapchat. Coincidentally, he also happens to be the only person who currently owns a Monocle.

At press time, Mr. Spiegel could be seen flushing out his bloodshot eye in a nearby sink.

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