Boston Dynamics’ “Spot” Can Now Autonomously Shit All Over Your Carpet

BOSTON, MA— Softbank-owned Boston Dynamics announced today their flagship AI-powered robot named Spot now has the ability to shit all over your carpet autonomously. The robo-dog has gained fame on the internet for opening doors, but previous accomplishments sit in the shadow of this major leap forward.

“This is a major milestone for us on the path towards robotic automation,” announced Boston Dynamics’ chief executive Marc Raibert.

“It took millions of dollars, thousands of man-hours, and countless sleepless nights to implement, but I am so excited to announce that Spot can now take a giant, steamy shit all over your carpet without any external commands, controls, or prompts.”

Many are excited about the new development and its implications for the robotics industry, but no technological development is without detractors. Some ethicists claim that the company has gone too far with this development, and that blurring the line between dog and machine can only lead to disastrous consequences.

“The Boston Dynamics team should take a moment to stop and consider the ethical and societal consequences of their research,” said renowned ethicist and scholar Lars Miller.

“Where do we draw the line? I’ve spent my entire adult life studying robot ethics, and Spot’s intelligence is beginning to reach a limit from which there may be no return. Dystopian films are entertaining. But the message, my friends, is not one of fantasy, but of the very reality we stand to witness in the near future.”

At press time Spot was seen preparing to take a crap on the Boston Dynamics’ headquarters front lawn, as reporters from major organizations like The Verge, WIRED, and more furiously photographed the historical event.

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