32-year-old Failure Setting Himself Up To Be Wildly Successful Entrepreneur

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MILWAUKEE, WI— 32-year-old Matt Eldridge is well known amongst his friends and family for being an abject failure in every sense of the word. At every possible opportunity to achieve a life goal, whether it be starting a career, building a family, or bathing regularly, Eldridge has failed miserably. Because he’s experienced so much failure throughout his life, Matt is clearly setting himself up to be a world-class entrepreneur based on the wisdom he’s gleaned from these countless hardships.

“Matt never really cared about anything growing up,” said Harry, a childhood friend of Matt’s turned CPA and father of two.

“In high school he would light furniture on fire in the woods and smoke a lot of pot. It was fun back then, but overall I can say with certainty that he’s the biggest failure I know.”

In an exclusive interview with Business Outsider, Eldridge hinted at the amazing ideas that he has every single day and described what how being a failure has impacted him.

“They say the most successful entrepreneurs fail every day, and I really took that idea to the max,” said Eldridge while coughing and exhaling marijuana smoke from his bong.

“I learned so much from failing in my twenties. I’ve been arrested 4 times on various charges and I have a suspended license, which cumulatively is like, a ton of failure. So naturally, the biggest failures get the most money when they start their businesses. That’s just like, algebra, or whatever,” he continued as he rested his feet on a pile of pizza boxes.

Some of Eldridge’s ideas include a marijuana delivery service, a marijuana growing facility, and a marketing service that would “automate the process of making rap videos super dope”. Business Outsider is sure to keep Eldridge in mind for the next few years as he continues to be a failure and chase his entrepreneurial dreams.

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