SAN FRANCISCO— San Francisco’s Board of Supervisors passed an ordinance on Tuesday which bans the sale of e-cigarettes and vapes in the city. Vaping is commonly criticized by the public and media for being uncool and potentially unhealthy. However, today the city of San Francisco officially cemented vaping as the coolest possible activity ever by making it illegal to do so.
“All of my coworkers have made fun of me for vaping,” said Jeremy, a single 32-year-old software engineer at a data-driven microbrewery startup and flannel enthusiast.
“But now that the city banned it, all of my coworkers will be asking me all sorts of questions about where to buy vape juice and how to vape, and I’ll totally be the most popular guy at work.”
“I used to think Jeremy was just a loser and one of those douchebags that vapes and constantly talks about obscure German Deathcore bands,” said one of Jeremy’s coworkers that preferred to remain anonymous.
“But I have been thinking a lot about it lately, and vaping does get you a pretty awesome buzz and it’s definitely not as bad for you as traditional smoking,” he said apologetically.
The board’s decision to ban vaporizers was predicated on their desire to stop middle schoolers and high schoolers from inhaling the fruity juices. Investors in Juul, the nation’s largest vape manufacturer, have speculated that this may have the opposite effect. At press time, middle schoolers across the city could be seen wandering the streets to become first customers of easily the coolest black market since the Prohibition era.