First Space Tourists Already Prepared To Be Underwhelmed By Entire Experience

NASA Kennedy Space Center— Senior leaders at NASA announced that the International Space Station will begin offering seats to private citizens to go to space for an estimated $50 million per seat, and the world’s wealthiest elites have quickly lined up for the first spots. As is tradition in ultra-wealthy circles, many have already started mentally preparing to be generally unimpressed by the entire experience of traveling to space. “Sure, it sounds exciting to go to space, and of course I’m hoping it will be an excellent time,” said Jay Rockefeller, an heir to the billion-dollar Rockefeller oil fortune. “Although, if you think about it there isn’t a lot to do up there to keep you entertained. The Earth is great and all, but if you’re up there for a week I imagine that view would get old fairly quickly. I’m also betting the food won’t be ceviche for dinner and haute macaroons for dessert. Is there even wifi in space?” he continued as he stroked his chin and methodically poked hole after hole in the budding space tourist market. At press time, Jay was already drafting a scathing review of the experience to be published immediately upon his return from the journey to space.

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