“If you want something, go and take it” says Convicted Felon Turned Motivational Speaker

AUSTIN, TEXAS— In light of today’s trying times, Joe MacDonald, a man who served 14 years for felony larceny and now motivational speaker to Fortune 500 corporations and top universities, wants to remind you that if you really want something, nothing should stop it from being in your possession. “Even if people don’t think it’s ‘socially acceptable’ to take printer supplies from your company to … Continue reading “If you want something, go and take it” says Convicted Felon Turned Motivational Speaker

“What about meth? Have we tried that yet?” Proposes Congressman as Strategy to Stimulate Economy

THE WHITE HOUSE— Stocks increased the most since 1933 today as investors anticipate a stimulus package to be passed through congress in an effort to mitigate the crippling effects of COVID-19 on the global economy. Debate about what will be included in the package is ongoing, with one congressperson suggesting that getting most of the American working class high on the stimulant methamphetamine would increase … Continue reading “What about meth? Have we tried that yet?” Proposes Congressman as Strategy to Stimulate Economy

WHO Mulls Burying World Population Underground After Study Shows Coronavirus Can Survive In Air

GENEVA, SWITZERLAND— After a recent study indicated that COVID-19 can survive in air, the leadership team at the World Health Organization (WHO) has been tossing around the concept of putting the entire world’s population underground until the disease has been eradicated from the public. “Nothing is final right now, and we’re looking at a lot of different options to see how we can avoid the … Continue reading WHO Mulls Burying World Population Underground After Study Shows Coronavirus Can Survive In Air

How To Answer “Tell Me About Yourself” According To Man That’s Held Over 3 Jobs

“Tell me about yourself” “Let’s walk through your resume” You’ve almost certainly heard this phrase or some variant of it in a job interview. It’s one of the most important questions that recruiters use to inform their hiring decisions. It’s also the question that candidates stumble on the most. Business Outsider reporters conducted an exclusive interview with a man who has held over three jobs- … Continue reading How To Answer “Tell Me About Yourself” According To Man That’s Held Over 3 Jobs

“On The Bright Side, We’re In The News” Says Australian Prime Minister

SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA— Following the emergence of the worst fire in recorded history, Australian prime minister Scott Morrison has encouraged his constituents to stay optimistic. “Look, don’t get me wrong, the fires are a huge bummer,” he said in a press release with journalists on Sunday. “But at least we’re in the news. I like to look at this as a great opportunity to put Australia … Continue reading “On The Bright Side, We’re In The News” Says Australian Prime Minister

PG&E Announces 500-year Power Outage To Mitigate Fire Risk

SANTA ROSA, CA— Utility company PG&E has announced today that it plans to shut off power temporarily for a period of at least 500 years in order to mitigate an heightened fire risk for certain California residential areas. “We understand that this may come as challenging news for some California residents that are affected by this change, and PG&E would like to express our sincerest … Continue reading PG&E Announces 500-year Power Outage To Mitigate Fire Risk

Twitter CEO Reaffirms More Ads Will Not Degrade Experience Of Reading Your Uncle’s Xenophobic Tirades

SAN FRANCISCO, CA— Twitter’s (NYSE: TWTR) stock plummeted by over 20% yesterday after a disastrous earnings report, following a slowdown in revenue growth and issues with user engagement with ads on the platform. “We want to make it crystal clear to our stakeholders, customers, and investors that despite changes to ads on the platform, you will still be able to conveniently read and become disgusted … Continue reading Twitter CEO Reaffirms More Ads Will Not Degrade Experience Of Reading Your Uncle’s Xenophobic Tirades

Desperate WeWork Employees Set Remaining Cash On Fire To Stay Warm

NEW YORK, NEW YORK— Amidst a whirlwind of layoffs, the ejection of CEO Adam Neumann, and a last-minute bailout by SoftBank, WeWork’s remaining employees have decided to douse millions of dollars in gasoline and light it ablaze to stay warm during the workweek. “Our building is so cold in the fall season, and the city shut off our power after we stopped paying the utility … Continue reading Desperate WeWork Employees Set Remaining Cash On Fire To Stay Warm

Boeing Silenced Warning Messages From Test Pilots: “This Thing Could Totally Crash”

CHICAGO, IL— In a startling development, the FAA has accused Boeing (NYSE: BA) of silencing comments from its own test pilots about the safety of the now infamous 737 Max airplane, which caused two fatal crashes in under a year’s time. “Yeah, this baby could totally crash right into the ground,” said an anonymous test pilot over email. “You wouldn’t even have to try that … Continue reading Boeing Silenced Warning Messages From Test Pilots: “This Thing Could Totally Crash”

These Companies Are Hiring Like Crazy (Not You) In 2019

There are dozens of hot companies that are hiring hundreds of new employees in 2019, and qualified professionals (definitely not you) should keep them on their radar for the future. The companies below are ready to hire at a moments notice, so don’t let these jobs slip away from your more successful peers! Facebook First up is the Silicon Valley beast: Facebook. Business Outsider analysts … Continue reading These Companies Are Hiring Like Crazy (Not You) In 2019